NEWS, RAMBLINGS AND AWARDS
LUNCHTIME FOOD-FOR-ALL NEAR SCHOOLS
I was through in Lanark recently to take a
few photos and suss out the good places for you folks out there. I was
somewhat shocked to see the vast piles of food leftovers discarded on
the pavements by schoolchildren. It's a scene that you will probably see
all over the country during term time. Amidst a most colourful array of
polystyrene food containers were the remains of half-eaten food that had
been clearly eaten in a half-hearted manner before being tossed aside;
soft flaccid chips coated in some brown gloop, doughy pizza bases turned
blood red by tomato ketchup, mud-coloured grease lavishly sloshed over
some indeterminable fry-up, and so on. It was quite unbelievable. The
stuff looked so horrid that it's hardly surprising that the eating of it
was executed in a somewhat less than enthusiastic manner. And in the
wake of these kiddiewinks was a man in a yellow fluorescent waistcoat
who did what he could to pick up what had been left behind by employing
his extended metal grab with no small amount of dexterity.
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cheer you up mid week. We're going to call it SOUP WEDNESDAY.
What tourists think of it all, I've no idea, but it can't be good. I
find it hard to imagine a similar situation in other countries. Of
course, the question is, how on earth have we allowed this to happen?
Why have we tolerated this for so long? We've pussyfooted around with
schoolchildren for long enough, and it is now time to (forgive the
expression) kick ass.
There has been some talk of keeping the little terrors in their school
at lunch time, of giving them healthy food and things to do to keep them
mentally stimulated, and in a few cases this may have been a bit
successful. But we do appear to be fighting a losing battle. Parents
have been squeezing huge burgers through railings so their offspring are
not deprived of their daily high doses of salt and cholesterol, and the
human rights brigade have been up in arms because we are taking away the
freedom of this group of responsible adults. Responsible adults? You've
got to be joking. You're not going to tell me for one minute that any
person, young or otherwise, who discards a half-eaten lunch on the
pavement (and right next to a bin on many occasions) then perhaps spends
a moment scrawling graffiti on someone's property before returning to
class is a responsible adult. Whatever hormones are circulating in the
veins of these juveniles clearly turns them into herds of antisocial
imbeciles who have no place on our streets at lunch time, or any other
It is now time we deployed police officers in and around schools to hand
out on-the-spot fines to any person discarding food or any other litter
on the streets. Perhaps being deprived of their favourite X-Box game
through a lack of readies will make them think, and ultimately start
taking some responsibility for their behaviour.
BEST SOUP IN SCOTLAND AWARD goes to the Darnley
Coffee House in Stirling.
BEST ALE BREWED IN SCOTLAND AWARD goes to 'Blackfriar', a
delicious bottled ale brewed by the Inveralmond Brewery up in Perth. It
was made for the American market, but if you know where to look you can
find the odd bottle here.
BEST PUB AWARD goes to the
Ben Nevis in Glasgow, because it's just a great pub.
BEST THING TO SEE AWARD goes
to the walled garden in Bellahouston Park, Glasgow.
BEST LITTLE WALK AWARD goes to the Pendreich walk above
Bridge of Allan.
Things are going well, folks, there's no doubt about that. Things are
indeed going so well that if I get any more visitors to this website I'm
going to have to start using the fingers on my other hand to count them.
I mean, what's a man to do to get folk interested nowadays? Should I
perhaps organise a soup-a-thon in Glasgow's George Square, a Soup
Festival in Edinburgh's Royal Mile, or maybe a slurp-and-buy sale at the
Farmers' Market up in Perth... Whatdya reckon?
Or perhaps I should be giving stuff away - freebies like wot they did
way back in the old days when comics like The Beano offered
free toffee or triangles of card that made a loud noise when you snapped
them through the air. Anybody any ideas? Anybody out there? Please tell
me I am not alone in this world and spending what years I have left on
this mortal plane talking to myself on a website.
In some desperation I've taken to introducing strange little fellers.
Have you seen them? I'm not saying there's a resemblance to yours truly,
BUT, I do have a knapsack, did once have a wooden staff, and have shared
a bowl with Gandalf. Lembas Bread Soup, if I recall. And quite delicious
NEW RATING SYSTEM
HERE at The Good Soup Guide our
technicians have come up with a new rating system. It involves stars
(original, huh?). Basically, one star [*] means the place has been
visited by us and deemed to be of a good standard (and that applies
equally to pubs or cafes or views). Two stars [**] means we reckon it's
very good, and three stars [***] means it was so magnificent that we
our pants with excitement.
WE are getting reports of strange goings on up in
Glenfarg. Apparently between 12.30pm and 2pm in the village hall on the
first Wednesday of each month the Perth & Kinross Federation of the
Scottish Women's Rural Institutes organise something of a soup jamboree
for locals. It's
called Soup and Chat. There is no charge, although all donations
gratefully received. Residents happily donate
four or five different homemade soups for the occasion, and visitors are
made welcome. Sounds to me like a good
excuse to just happen by Glenfarg some day.
THE 'Recommendations' link in our Other Places
page is growing steadily. It contains cafes and coffee houses
recommended by followers of The Good Soup Guide but not yet visited by
us. If recommendations keep coming in at the current rate (as we hope
they will) we will have to come up with some sort of map thing where you
just click on the area you are visiting and all the good places will pop
up before your very eyes. If we become adept at selling advertising
space and become very rich we will finance research that will allow you
to click an area and be instantly transported to that very place in some
cosmically unfathomable manner. That's gotta be the way to go.
DO YOU WANT TO ADVERTISE IN THE GOOD SOUP GUIDE? BE THE FIRST AND
RECEIVE A FREE ROUND OF APPLAUSE. OR ADVERTISE ON EVERY TOWN'S MAIN PAGE
FOR A COMPLIMENTARY SMILE.
HAD any bad customer care
experiences? Let The Good Soup Guide know and we'll name and shame
the culprits. If we do enough naming and shaming we'll either end up
being sued or we'll have cleaned up a lot of the bad service you
folks out there are at times on the receiving end of. We reckon the
'Leave Your Boots and Rucksacks at the Door' signs once found
outside some Highland eateries was disgraceful.
When the yellow's on the broom
And the yellow's on my nose
The snotters they are tripping me
With rivulets quite gross
When my eyes feel slightly nippy
And it seems like I might sneeze
There's only one thing I can blame
And that's the bloody trees
FAVOURITE SOUP RECIPES WANTED